


Cathexis

by allmyselfishthoughts



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crush at First Sight, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-20 21:47:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4803416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmyselfishthoughts/pseuds/allmyselfishthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be only a one-night stand, but Vanessa can't focus on work -or anything else- because he is taking over her mind. Modern AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cathexis

**Author's Note:**

> "Cathexis" means the psychic energy invested in something or someone.
> 
> I tried to write something totally different this time, with less angst and almost hinting humor. Since is set in the modern world it was hard to make the characters 100% true to how they are in the show but I tried as much as possible.  
> The italic parts are what happened in the "past"; I mention three songs in the story, all of them are The Cure's. 
> 
> Ah, and at first it wasn't my intention but it become a "soulmates meeting again in another life" thing :)  
> (sorry for both note and story being too long)

 “Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you, that I’m in love with you-” Vanessa was parking her car singing with the radio, until the lyrics hit her. She pressed the button to turn it off and nearly crashed against the other car in front of her; she growled in anger and frustration. She had to clean her mind.

“Forget that man, forget that man, forget that fucking man!” she purred to herself, her cold fingers massaging her temple. But it was impossible to stop thinking about that marvelous Friday night and everything about him... his voice, his scent, his body. Due to the amount of alcohol her memories were a bit blurry, but what she still could remember was enough.

 

_She had decided to have some fun and went to a different pub alone; the first thing that caught attention her was the beautiful hoarse voice of the singer. When she set her eyes on stage and saw the owner of the voice she felt a strange feeling passing through her from brain to tiptoes and had to take a deep breathe;_ _straight sandy hair falling into his bearded face, very small eyes, large shoulders and big arms_ _. The way they were holding the guitar and his mouth almost touching the microphone made her imagination fly. She never witnessed something that should be pretty ordinary being so sexy; her mind started to picture all the scenarios where they could meet –and who knows, maybe fall in love, marry and have children–. She couldn’t stop staring at him, until she had the feeling that he was looking back at her with an amused look on his face. “I really need a drink”, she thought, and broke their eye contact –were they making eye contact?–, then went to the bar._

Vanessa walked towards the building to go to work still trying to fight against the wave of memories that chased her all weekend. She replied to everyone’s good morning without looking at their faces, without even noticing that they were talking to her. She finally reached her floor and almost ran into her office.

“Morning doct... are you alright?” her secretary asked.

“Good morning. Yes I’m just fine, why wouldn’t I be?” she said harshly and the woman widened her eyes shocked by her behavior; she was usually lovely to everyone. “I apologize, it’s just an awful headache.” she tried to smile and before the woman could say any other thing she went to her room.

 

_She was sitting and smoking alone in the bar still intoxicated by the singer’s voice –and face, and hair, and eyes–, but refusing to lay her eyes on him again. Maybe she was crazy, but she could swear that he had winked at her at some point while he was singing. She picked her phone to text Victor and ask him if he knew that place, if he could find out who was the man singing there that night._

_Before she could start typing she felt steps approaching, and damn. That enticing voice again. This time it was right behind her ear._

_“Enjoyed my exhibition?” he said low, his breath not close enough but already affecting her; she took another drag and then blew the smoke._

_“Highly impressive.” she couldn’t see his face but could feel his amusement, just like when he was still on stage and his eyes catched hers._

_“May I join you?” he said already sitting beside her. Her eyes travelled from his hair to his small eyes –brown, they were brown–, to his sassy lips, to his exposed neck. She felt his eyes exploring her as well; he darted the tip of his tongue out of his mouth before starting speaking again._

_“You’re such a good view, you know it? Since I first saw you standing right there” he pointed at the spot she was when she arrived “I could not take my eyes off of you. When you stepped away I was so scared that I wouldn’t find you anymore.” he reached his hand to her cigar and she gave it to him without thinking, like it was a natural habit._

 

The secretary found Doctor Ives sitting, elbow leaning over the desk and her chin resting on the closed fist. She had a dreamy look in her face, lips pressed together and the bright blue eyes staring at some spot in the empty white wall.

“Miss Ives, may I tell the first patient to come in?” the voice of the secretary interrupted her musing.

“O-of course,” she said awkwardly and put her glasses on “who is the first today?”

“It’s Claire Talbot, she’s looking excited as usual.” Vanessa smiled and nodded; she was fond of the little girl. Soon she stepped in holding a piece of paper in her tiny hands.

“Hey, little one!” she sat in front of Vanessa with a loose smile, and then gave her the paper.

“I made this for you.” Vanessa stared at the paper and saw a drawning of a little girl in a flower dress holding the hand of a dark haired woman, with an odd animal near to them.

“Thank you, Claire. It’s lovely! May I ask you to tell me the meaning of your art?” Then the girl started telling her that her teacher had told the class to draw what made them happy, and her first thoughts were her therapist and her big horse –although the drawing looked more like a hippopotamus _–_. Vanessa was still focused on Claire but her thoughts were starting to wander again; she would never admit, but deeply she always desired to be a mother and that girl’s presence always brought this want to the surface. She was exactly how Vanessa always pictured her kid. Even the name was her favorite, her deceased mother’s name.

Then once more her mind went to where it shouldn’t go to, to _that man_. Again. How would it be if he was the father of her kids, how would it be to wake up by his side everyday? She still had the image of his paceful sleeping form when she left his loft; _he was laying on his back, his right arm over his forehead and the left holding her frame. She fell asleep over his bare chest, her forehead touching his beard, her hand around his neck, their legs tangled. When she woke up –head exploding because of the hangover–_ _all she wanted to do was to stay there forever, to kiss him all morning, to feel his skin against hers again, to feel him moving inside her again again and again. But she just got off of the bed, dressed up and with the rush and the usual morning confusion ended up with his boxers instead of her panties._

She was wearing it right now at work, which was clearly a bad idea.

“I don’t understand why mom and dad think that I’m sad now that they’re not together anymore.” Claire’s annoyed voice made Vanessa blush at her inappropriate thoughs. “I do understand that they don’t love each other! I never saw dad looking at her like Dracula looks at Mina.”

“Oh, and how Dracula looks at Mina?” Vanessa always felt intrigued by how the 7 years old girl despised fairy tales or any happy story, yet she already loved tragedies and horror classics _–_ the actual horror was the negligence of her parentes who never had time for her, not even to check on what she was watching _–;_ it was one of the reasons why they first took her there, to deal with her disturbed “tastes” which were leading her to odd behaviors, such as acting and talking like she was an adult. Now she was there more often because they decided to get a divorce and were concerned about how she would react to it.

“Don’t you know? He looks at her like soulmates look at each other. I can’t explain better because I never met my soulmate, but I think that I’ll know.” suddenly she was talking like a child would talk about fairy tales, a creepy smile spreading on her lips and her eyes deep into Vanessa’s. “You’re so smart that I’m pretty sure that you knew when you met yours.” Vanessa chuckled.

“Yes, I did.” It escaped her mouth without realizing what she was saying. Or worse, thinking; was that stranger her soulmate?

 

_When they were still at the bar talking –what for sure lasted more than one hour, maybe more than two?– she knew that he was looking at her in a different way, in a way that no one did before; but it was when they left  –a bottle of wine in one of his hands, in the other her own being held tightly– that she saw it better. The golden brown of his eyes were gazing deep into her dark blue ones, she could swear that he could read her mind in that moment. It felt like something in her gist was awakening, like he was someone familiar, someone that she missed even without knowing about his existence; and for some odd reason she knew that he felt the same way. Suddenly she was carried away by a kind of bliss that she never tasted before, and the glow radiating from his eyes assured her once more of the mutuality of it. He took a sip of the wine straight from the bottle, handing it to her right after._

_They had talked –from music to random philosophies about the universe and the meaning of life–, laughed and drank the entire bottle before they reached an empty square; his shaky hands grasped on her waist pulling her close to him, a playful smile lingering below his mustache. She felt his eyes boring deeply into hers in that peculiar way again._

_“Dance with me.” he said starting to sway them and she giggled sharply._

_“Stop it, there’s no music.” yet she placed both hands on his chest, slowly sliding them up until they were wrapped around his neck, her body starting to move with his; he just rolled his eyes and grinned before filling the air with his heady voice again._

_“Spinning round and round with you, watching shadows melt the light soft shining from our eyes” he started singing; it was all that took for Vanessa to close her shape to his, her cheek against his beard and her ear near to his mouth “Into another space, is ours alone tonight-“ he stopped singing when they felt the first raindrops over their heads and both looked up at the sky at the same time._

_The rain poured heavy soaking both of them, but as drunk as they were it just made them laugh loudly. Their eyes met again, now burning with pure desire; both laughs died, their hearts in their chests were pounding as heavily as the rain. She felt almost enchanted by how he was looking now with his hair dripping, his tongue licking his lower lip; there was something about him and those tiny eyes that resembled some kind of beast, but it just made her want him more. He lowered his hands until he could lift her up, her hands left his neck to grab his scalp and she leaned in, finally doing what she wanted to do for hours, even when she only knew his voice, nothing more. They were entwined together in the middle of the square, the rain becoming a noisy storm but they couldn’t care less about it when their mouths were devouring each other’s, when his hand was tight on her hair just like hers on his, when their hearts were beating against one another. She had no clue of how long they stayed there, or who pulled back first. When he put her down she held his face with both hands, her fingers grasping on his cheeks while his hands were firmly on her waist; once more her avid eyes found his filled with more than just lust, it also had passion, maybe more. They kissed again, a quick and gently kiss with their lips trembling, their eyes half-opened; both smiled with their faces close, foreheads pressed together._

_“I don’t live far from here, plus I have dry clothes and more wine there.” he said before pulling their faces apart, then licked her cheek like a dog and let out a throaty laugh._

“How was it? Can you tell me the story?” Claire asked excited and for a second Vanessa imagined that it was her daughter asking how her parentes had met. But she knew that tone very well, it was used when Claire wasn’t willing to go on with their proceedings so she would try to stay 'in charge'; it meant that she could not even blink or the girl would find a way to distract them both from the theraphy.

“Hmm,” she grabbed her chin pretending that she was thinking “sorry buddy, but now I wanted you to talk about other things, and then I’ll let you play.” Claire snorted but ended up nodding. Vanessa found a way of focusing only on the little girl, on listening every single word she said and later reading her every move, every facial expression.

Then her time was over, now she had another kid, an autist boy; it was his second time there and Vanessa knew that he was a challenge, so she could occupy her mind with him. After him another boy, the one who lost his parentes when he was five and had to watch it while his own life almost was taken away too. He was almost a teenager now and she was proud of him –and well, of herself too for suceeding to help him–for finding a way to deal with this better than mostly people. Then another child, and another, and another; she kept her mind busy with her patients whom she was totally dedicated to. But in the little time between one and other patient _he_ was there haunting her again. At the lunch break it become unbearable; she picked up her phone typing a quick message to her best friend, asking him to met her.

 

When he found Vanessa she was sitting in their favorite restaurant with her fingers twirling her hair nervously, legs crossed and a foot moving frantically.

“Van you never call me at this time, what happened? Why are you paler than usual? Why...” she wasn’t listening anymore but he went on with his bunch of questions.

“Victor.” she held his hand with both of hers, her eyes begging him to shut up “I...” she inhaled deeply.

“You...?” he looked at her anxious.

“I can’t take him off of my head. I think that I might have fallen in love with him.” she covered her face with her hands in an attempt to cover the shame of her teary eyes. She never had felt so ridiculous in her entire life. Did she just claimed to be in love with a man whose name she didn’t even know?

“Whoa.” Victor was clearly surprised by her statement “Do you mean the six foot tall american?”

“Of course, who else would it be?” she replied with an almost rude tone; he breathed in before squeezing her hand.

“Van, I’m sorry for what I’m about to say but you know that I always will be honest with you, right?” she nodded “You’re not in love with him, you just really enjoyed his dic-“

“Don’t even dare to finish this sentence!” she pulled her hand away from his and folded her arms.

In a way he was right, she had an amazing night with him and yes, she wanted that again. But it was more than that; what she recalled more about that night wasn’t only the mindblowing sex, it was what he made her feel but not in a physical way; she felt that it was more than only casual sex. She was too intrigued by how familiar he felt, like she was recognizing him, how it felt so right; everytime that she stared into that tiny brown eyes and listened the sound of his voice she felt complete. His arms around her gave her this odd sensation of safety, of belonging.

_When she woke up and ran away from his loft she just waited for the first cab and said Victor’s adress; she knocked at his door and his eyes widened at her state._

_“Are you stoned?” her hair was all messy, the dress reversed, eyes barely open and a silly grin dancing on her lips._

_“I got druuunk, doctor! I just found the man of my life and we had the best sex eeeeever” and then she throwed up. Victor rolled his eyes and helped her to come in, took off her dress and put her on his bathtub. He was startled by the amount of marks across her skin and when he noticed what she was wearing his shock increased._

_“Vanessa what the hell is this underwear?” that was when she saw that she was wearing her lover’s boxers, but she only cackled at this. After cleaning her up he put her on his bed, where she slept the entire morning and half of the afternoon; when she woke up –with a massive headache– Victor was staring at her with his arms folded and his brows furrowed in concern._

_“Do you have...”_

_“Look at the nightstand, the aspirin is there, the water too. Take it and explain to me what the fuck just happened.” she opened her mouth to say something but he spoke first “Did you used protection?” she looked so terrified that he thought that she would throw up again._

_“I don’t remember.” Vanessa took the pill and he helped her to get up._

_“Damn Van, you know that you’re weak for drinking, you always get drunk after only a few glasses! You should have called me when you were still sober to tell me the adress of the pub so I’d have gone to pick you up after work and you wouldn’t have bang a stranger.”_

_“Oh God.” she said even more terrified._

_“What?”_

_“His adress. I don’t remember where he lives, I don’t even know his name! What am I supposed to do now?”_

“Sweetie you don’t know him, you don’t even know his name! All you know is that he sings and that he is extraordinary in bed.” Vanessa was quiet, looking angry at him. “Don’t get mad at me. Look, if you want we can go to the pub where you two met and we can ask about the singer from last friday, okay? Maybe he has a twin brother or who knows, a cute friend for me.” her frown disappeared and she nodded, silently thanking him for it. She knew that he was worried; all he wanted was to find a way for her to be okay, and would do anything to make her happy.

 

They finally ordered their meal and when they were done it was already time to go back to work, so both of them went on their way. Vanessa was somewhat relieved because deeply she knew that she and the singer would met again, they had to. On her way to work she picked one cigar –she suddenly developed a taste for mentol ones, fortunately she still had some from the pack she bought Saturday after leaving Victor’s place– and stopped repressing her memories. Instead she would try to remember every single detail about him so maybe she would understand the new feelings that overwhelmed her since they met.

She wanted to remember what else happened besides his mouth tasting like alcohol and tobacco, her purse falling near to his door, their sweaty bodies connecting and satiating each other’s on the floor –after falling off of the bed–, his tongue inside her making her scream until her throat was sore, the water and the foam covering their bodies while he played with her hair and kissed her jaw. And of course, the morning after when she ran away. Even being drunk she knew that she felt more than mere physical connection with him, so staying there could have been dangerous.

_How they managed to find their way to his place was still a mistery. When they did she dropped her purse on the floor while her back crashed violently against the door, their heads tilting to deepen the kiss even more; he dug his fingertips on the back of her thighs and pulled them up to wrap around his torso, his lips never leaving hers. Their bodies were electrifying as his tongue was fierce inside her mouth, her own rolling against it, her hands around his neck sinking her nails into the flesh in there._

_He walked stumbling with her still firmly wrapped around him until they were at the kitchen; he picked up a bottle of wine and she promptly put her mouth down to open it with her own teeth. He sat her on the table, pulled her chin up and opened her mouth to pour the drink in it. Running his hands over her hair he licked her lips and kissed her again; the liquid ran from their joined mouths through her neck to the top of her breasts and he followed its path, her skin quivering under the touch of his tongue. Tickened palms rested on her thighs and slid up beneath her dress until it was at her hips, tugging at the thin fabric of her underwear but quickly leaving it to dispose them backwards and squeeze her ass. Then he went back to her underwear only to jerk it off and she couldn’t contain her whimper; they barely started but her head was spinning already._

_Once more she was being carried by him, both laughing, hitting the walls and almost falling on the floor. When they were in his bedroom he put her down to take a look at her; she was perfect. Her curly dark hair still wet was wild over her face, the dark navy dress stucked on her body due to the rain bath; the high heels were making their heights almost the same and her hand was holding the bottle of wine, sucking at the top of it provocatively after another sip._

_With a feral look she went towards him ripping off his soaked sleeveless shirt to explore his chest with her eager mouth. She went up to his neck marking him there while decreasing the distance between them; her lips traced the line below his jaw until his ear, to catch his earlobe with her teeth. Her free hand was between them deftly taking off his belt, then massaging his crotch over the jeans while he growled wildly._

_“Goddamit, what are you?” he purred with his breath ragged; his hands were assailing her back, unsuccessfully trying to unzip the strapless dress._

_“Looks like your left hand is not that steady.” she said, her mouth against the gap between his ear and his scalp, her hand now quickly unbutonning his jeans “Probably due to your drinking habits.” she laughed on his hair amused by his struggle._

_“Oh honey, so you can read me?” she took her index finger to his hairy jaw and looked into his eyes._

_“Well lumberjack, you have a little cut healing here, I’d dare to say that you got into a fight with someo-“ everything happened fast; her words were interruped by him finally unzipping her dress and pushing it down with zero efforts, then he took the wine from her hand placing it on the floor and stayed there; he started nibbling on her thigh, his hands vigorously placed back in the gap between it and her ass. Two fingers of each hand slid between her legs to flick against her wetness and his crude mouth travelled upwards to her groin, scrapping his teeth there. “Oh, fuck!” she inhaled sharphly, her stomach sinking and her fingers snaking into his hair pulling him closer as her thirst for him grew more and more._

_He stayed on the floor but crawled foward until the back of her knees hit the matress. He gave her a small push so she crashed on the bed, her lustful glare lining down to lock with his own; his tongue teased her folds before_ _he finally stood up and lifted her legs with him, one of his hands holding both of her ankles, while the other took off her heels. After setting them on the floor he reached into his pocket and took out something square, tossing it on the bed. Each one of his hands grabbed one ankle, spreading her legs to place himself between them. She leaned her back up –never breaking their eye contact– and pulled down his boxers with his jeans at once._

_He kicked them off and crawled above her, the front of his thighs hitting the back of hers; she chewed her bottom lip at the view of that man hovering over her, her hand flat on his chest starting to slid down through his smooth muscles. She felt his hand on her back and leaned in to kiss him, but instead he twirled her with a gently push so she had her stomach on the matress and her back to him. His fingers were ghosting over the small of her back before rising up to unclasp her bra and toss it on the floor. The air escaped her lungs as two calloused hands went underneath her body smashing her exposed breasts and a warm mouth left a trail of wet kisses from her shoulders blades to her dorso until her ass, bitting it not so gently. He propped himself on his knees and held her by the stomach pulling her up with him, his other hand placing the dark curls over her right shoulder; her back collided with his chest, the lower part of it and her ass now pressing against his erection. He opened his mouth at the top of her shoulder ravaging her skin with his teeth and tongue, slowly going to the nape of her neck where he found a peculiar red shape._

_“What is it?” he asked and started nibbling there._

_“A birth mark.” a loud moan escaped her throat “Please don’t stop!” she said hoarsely grabbing his scalp and grinding against his chest, her hot flesh scrubbing against his hardness; he bit harder on the birthmark and his hand by her stomach made its path downwards to rub rougly the bunch of nerves between her thighs, the other one gliding to her jaw to push her head to the side and bring her ear close to his mouth._

_“Looks like a scorpion, you know?” she scoffed and placed her hand between them finding his engorged tip; he growled into her hair and rubbed her harder. “It’s so sexy.” he whispered weakly against her skin, yanking a sharp sound from her throat; it wasn’t only about his lush body or how good he knew how to use it. It was also his voice that made all her nerves burn even more, the rawness of its tone could easily bring her near to the edge and right now it made more heated liquid flood through her._

_“You are so sexy, so damn beautiful.” her body started squirming as his voice dived into her senses again and his tongue twirled inside her ear. She swallowed a gulp of air and began to roll her hand around his head. It was slightly damp so after lubricating her palm she curled her fingers around him, lowering from the head through his length and making the way back up painfully slowly. Her neck turned around to watch the look on his face while she kept working on him; his chest inflated as his eyes tightened and he let out a throaty hiss, then he hastily left her nub to slip his finger where she wanted him the most. Now it was her turn to shut her eyes and shriek._

_“I want you now.” she demanded almost breathless but he clearly was enjoying the onset of their agony and added one more finger inside her heat._

_Her other hand clenched over the sheets started searching for what he tossed there a few minutes ago; when she found it she ripped the packing open with her teeth and diverged a few inches from his body to adjust the codom on him. She raised her hips guiding his erection to her entrance, his fingers went off of there to grab her hip; she rubbed herself with the tip of it while giving more slow strokes through his length, teasing them both. He automatically tilted his hips up and thrusted harshly into her._

_She cried out with pain and pleasure as his throbbing flesh was merging into her slickness; she lifted up her hips clutching her muscles around him, only to sink on it again right after in a different angle. She moved her hand backwards to grab his hair and pull his face back into the nape of her neck; her skin had goosebumps as result of the contact with his gruff beard, his mouth instantly started sucking and biting on her birthmark, his hand gripped on the sheets to balance them and soon their hips found a rhythm. He ran his other hand from her waist to her stomach teasing her navel; she grabbed it and guided to her breast, but he travelled up to twitch her parted lips. She took two fingers inside her mouth, holding them with her teeth as an attempt to not shout out but she failed._

_His head went back and he was almost lying on the bed as she rode him; he got his hand off of her mouth and placed in between them to rest on the lower part of her dorso, gently pushing her down onto the matress; she tilted her hips up to not lose their intimate contact for one single second and bent her knees over the bed, her hands grasping on the sheets until she was all on four. He licked the drop of sweat streaming between her shoulder blades and then slammed deeper and faster inside her over and over again, hitting harder all the spots that made her breathe fail the most. His fingertips dug at the side of her waist and on her ass until she could not hold herself anymore, her legs got weak and were crashing on the bed; he held her belly and pulled her up a bit thrusting wilder than before as his palm went ruthlessly around her breast. Judging by the way she was panting they both knew that she wouldn’t last too much –he wouldn’t either–._

_“Come for me, darlin’.” he grunted, the sound of his voice driving her entire body to ecstasy. Rough fingers went down to rub her, his lips and teeth were tasting all skin his mouth could reach when a sharp groan escaped her throat and he released an inhuman sound; her mind exploded with her body. Her walls spasming violently around him took him to the edge too and this time they both collapsed._

 

Vanessa spent her entire afternoon frustrated for not being able to recover her memories about that night. Did she make a ridiculous pun with the scorpion’s sting? Did he tell her that he always wanted to live in London and now he knew the reason why? Did they made love or it was only rough sex all night? She wasn’t sure of what actually happened and what her head was distorting. Maybe Victor was right, she could not be falling for a man she hardly knew; it was just her body claiming his again. Or she was right and it was her soul?

She was at work again and just like in the morning the things that the children were talking about made her think of _him_. When the little boy told her about his new puppy she recalled that he confessed himself to be a dog lover, and when another boy mentioned how he enjoyed cowboys she remembered that he was from the Southern of USA.

But it shouldn’t matter and should not take away her focus from work. Yet the hours insisted on going slow and for some reason she found herself with the urge of crying. She had to take some time between one patient and another to recompose herself. How a drunk one night stand could affect her this much?

It was almost time to go home and she was wondering what she should do to distract herself; Victor would work until 1am so she had no company. She thought about asking her secretary to hang out just to have someone to talk to, but it would end up with her rambling about her unhappy marriage and this time Vanessa wasn’t willing to listen. If only she could talk to her sister, but no; she died too young.

“Doctor Ives?” once more her secretary caught her lost in thoughts “Rose’s mother called now saying that they won’t be here today. She was the last one so we’re done here now.” Vanessa sank into the chair with relief, she wasn’t sure if she could still manage to attend one more person –in fact she needed someone to listen to her–.

“Alright, you can go then. I’ll finish some notes here and I’ll close up everything today.” she nodded, bid Vanessa a good night and finally disappeared. Vanessa had no notes to make. She just reached for the last mentol cigar and put her playlist on; the smoke and the music filling the air was relaxing, she could not hear the shadow of his voice lurking anymore.  

_“I didn't mean to spin like I was mesmerised, but I was rapt without a name or memory, I waited there too scared to even breathe_ – _“_ she gasped with the lyrics and hit the pause, then quickly turned off her laptop to go home and made a decision: she had to forget about that “adventure”.

 

Her day was _amazing_ already and then she saw the sign saying that the elevator wasn’t working. She went for the stairs, her lungs and legs complaining at each step, the heavy bag crushing her shoulder; she stopped to take a breathe and her eyes darted to the glass window, when she saw that it was raining outside. No, it was almost a storm.

“Great, what a typical Monday!” she growled to herself.

Vanessa finally reached the lobby almost crying with rage and frustration, when she felt a familiar smell: smoke and vanilla. Just like her usual cigars, the ones that she stopped smoking at Saturday. Her heart started racing and she felt that it could go up and get stucked on her throat at any moment because of what she just saw –or thought that she was seeing, who knows–. _He_ was right there, sitting with his elbows on his knees while taking another drag of her cigar. All her muscles paralyzed and she could not breathe for a few seconds; she closed her eyes tightly only to open them again right after, to make sure that she wasn’t imagining that.

He suddenly turned his head to where she was standing, her face paler than usual, looking like she just saw a ghost. His lips curled into a grin while he stood up; now she felt more sure about what she said to Victor earlier. She was in love with that stranger; she was aware that it made no sense but does love need to make sense? Anyway, he started walking towards her and she felt a bit dizzy; her heartbeats were faster than before, her mouth went dry and there was an odd prickling in her stomach.

“Hello, Vanessa.”

“How did you find me?” They said exactly at the same time and both chuckled shyly. The tip of his tongue went out of his mouth before speaking.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to think that I’m a crazy stalker or something, but I had to see you again.” his eyes were lighter now, almost golden, and she stopped breathing when looking into them. He was really there. Something in her depths was euphoric and a trail of chills went up her spine when he took another step ahead, closer to her. “I tried to convince myself that I shouldn’t but... I sort of missed you. And after I woke up that day I found some of your stuff at my house.” he held a laugh.

“When I was leaving to see if I could still reach you I saw your cigars near to the door, then a lipstick and a bracelet.” he slipped his hands inside his pockets taking the objects he just mentioned. She nodded and adjusted her glasses, still lost in his gaze. “I also found your panties in my kitchen, if you don’t mind I’d like to keep it.” he smirked at the view of her face blushing and looking down “By the way I’m sorry, I smoked almost all your cigars, they reminded me of your taste.” she opened her mouth to say something but he put two fingers on her lips so she waited.

“Please, let me finish. I know that my excuses are terrible but I just need to tell you and I promise, if you want I will never show up in front of you again.” he said embarassed and she had a confused frown on her face. “I... I searched for what I knew about you, your name and your job, until I found your profile and finally a website with the adress of your office and some contact numbers. I dialed them every godamn hour since Saturday, but I was never brave enough to press ‘call’.” he held his fist and closed his eyes “I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything, you’re all over my head, it’s like you bewitched me. I apologize, this is too much, you don’t even know me yet I’m here acting like...” she had no idea of where she found courage, but somehow she did; she placed her hands on each one of his cheeks and brushed her lips against his. Now was it his turn to stay paralyzed.

“Do not apologize.” she said smiling, with her mouth still ghosting over his “But tell me one thing. Do you have a name?” both laughed.

“Yes.” he teased “You don’t remember my name?” he took her by her hand and went to sit in the couch that he was waiting for her earlier; when they did he didn’t let go of her hand, instead he held the other too and his thumbs stroked them in lazy circles.

“I never got to know.”

“Yes you did, I can never forget the way you were saying it all night.” she felt her cheeks getting hot again and knew that they were bright red. “It’s Ethan, my dear Vanessa. But looks like you enjoyed more my last name, Chandler.” then it was like something pulled a trigger that cleared her mind, and she started to remember more about their Friday.

“Ethan Chandler. Of course!” an awkward silence settled between them.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” he handed her a box that was resting by his side “I thought about buying flowers but you don’t look like a woman who would be impressed with such a common thing.” it was right, she wouldn’t; he took a small pack from his pocket and put it over her bag "Also some of my cigars, since I smoked almost all of yours." It was a pack of mentol cigars.

“How could you know it?”

“Maybe I can read you too, darling.” she opened the box and saw nine cupcakes there, then looked up at him giggling. “Buttercream cupcakes, I baked myself with the help of my brother, he is very good at desserts.”

“I can’t believe, those are my favorite!” she said with her eyes glowing like a child.

“I told you that I’d get you some sugar, remember?” Vanessa shaked her head embarassed and shrugged, putting the box of cupcakes by her side and smirking at the cigars. Mentol. Of course.

“Hmm, no. To be honest I forgot a few things, I’m not used to drink that much.”

“At least now I have a good explanation of why you forgot my name.” Ethan said smirking and she grinned “You said that you would want a lot of sugar in the morning for breakfast, I felt like I owed you this. Even more if I want to ask you to go out with me again, to a real date.” he tucked a few strands of raven hair behind her ear and inhaled slowly, afraid of the answer. She had no reaction, just stared at his face with her mouth half-open for what felt like ages; it could be a dream, so she had to memorize every detail about him. She could not allow herself to forget again.

“Ethan.” was all she could say and raised her hand to his hair.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked intrigued.

“Nothing. No reason.” her hand ran down from his hair to his neck, pulling his face near to hers; he grabbed her chin and kissed the tip of her nose.

“So... what is your answer? I promise you that I won’t get you drunk again.” Vanessa giggled again, making hard effort to not catch his lips the way she wanted to right there; but with his breath so close, his voice and smell taking over her reasoning she was about to jump on him.

“Of course I want, Ethan. Let’s say that I’ve been thinking about you quite a lot too.” her lips were about to lock with his when a voice interrupted and made them pull apart startled.

“Doctor, you’re still here and with company? I’m sorry but we’re closing the building now.” it was the gatekeeper; she blushed and looked embarassed at him.

“I apologize, we’re leaving now. See you tomorrow! Good night.” they waved goodbye and he gave an approval nod at Ethan. She shoved the pack of cigars inside her bag, picked the cupcakes box and went out, her hand clasped tightly on Ethan’s. Then they remembered of the storm raging outside.

“Oh fuck me! Do you have an umbrella?”

“No! But my car is parked there, it’s not too far. Let’s run ‘till there, I’ll count until three and we go, okay?”

“No.” he slipped one hand below her ass and the other on her back, holding her in a bridal way; she held the box and her bag, burying her face in his neck while he ran to her car, both laughing like they were drunk again. She couldn’t seem to wait until they were inside the car or until they were somewhere else, so just like the first time they met she kissed him right there in the storm, both bodies soaked and the thunders making loud noises around them. But once more they didn’t care about it; the world could end, but all that mattered for them was each other. They were together again.

“Damn we’re ruining your seats!” he said when they were inside, his hands taking off her glasses and brushing the wet hair off of her face.

“Nevermind. So, since you're driving, where are you taking us?”

“Hmm I guess that I can’t take you where I was planning to, at least not before we change into dry clothes. But if you want we can go to my place again and eat cupcakes ruined by rain, or I can cook us dinner.” she raised an eyebrown mischievously “No dirty intentions, I swear!” he lied before kissing her jaw, while his hand went behind her neck to stroke the peculiar birthmark.

“Alright, I don’t have dirty intentions either.” she said pressing herself more against him. He pulled apart and looked at her intensively.

“I just want to know more about you, Vanessa. We barely know each other but I really like you. I know that it sounds crazy but don’t think our meeting was a coincidence.” she placed her palm over his intertwining their fingers.

“Me neither.” and her lips found his again. It was a relief to know that she wasn’t the only one feeling this way. They drove to his loft and she was more and more sure that her life wouldn’t be the same anymore. She knew that something was about to start, and hoped that it would be everlasting.

 


End file.
